The Dream Man Who Might Just Be Only That

Dear Aunt Madge,

I met a man over the internet. Well, I haven't actually met him yet, that happens next month when I have enough money to send him a plane ticket.

I know it sounds crazy to say I'm in love even though we haven't actually met yet, but I think it just shows that we are in love with each other's personalities and not each other's looks, since we haven't actually seen each other yet.

Which brings me to my problem. He sent me a picture of himself and he's incredibly handsome. My girlfriends tell me that it isn't really him, that it's just a model picture. I'm sure he wouldn't do that, but here's my shame - that's what I did. I sent a picture that wasn't really me. Well it is me, but it's me several years ago.

I knew it was wrong, but at the time I had no idea the relationship would get as far as it did. I just liked the attention he was giving me. The truth is, that I weigh a hundred pounds more than what the picture shows and I haven't told him yet.

Added to that, my friends are so negative about this relationship even though two of them met their husbands on the internet. They worry about the fact that he's rich yet doesn't have a car (his license was suspended due to a misunderstanding), and he occasionally asks me for money to help him out (he has money, it's just that it's tied up in different businesses and investments and he doesn't have access to it). 

He showed me pictures of his beautiful home and he frequently talks about his trips to Europe and Africa. His job takes him all over the world! I know we would have a wonderful life together.

It seems to me that my friends have a double standard. They were the ones that encouraged me to try internet dating and I did because they found success. Now they are only being nasty.

So I'm scared about when he does come out here. I mean if he really loves me like he says he does, will my weight really matter? And how do I get my friends to support this relationship. I don't want to lose my friendships over this. I would think they would want me to be happy.

Nervous on the World Wide Web

P.S. I know this sounds crazy too, but I have given him a lot of money, but I look at it as an investment. That money won't matter at all once we're married and I'm living in his house and traveling the world with him. Besides, it's my money that I worked hard for and I should spend it any way I please.

Dear Nervous,

I know why you wrote me. You wrote me so that I would say "Don't listen to those jealous friends. He will love you just the way you are and you will have a wonderful life."

Well, I'M NOT GOING TO!

I'm all for the warm milk and butterflies and rainbows and positive affirmations but this is one of those times when you just got to say "Who put pudding in your skull?|

Now before you get all upset with me think about this. If you weren't completely honest with him, isn't it possible that he hasn't been completely honest with you?

And really, if it's his personality that you're in love with, why are you drooling over the beautiful home and the trips around the world. You didn't even tell me about his personality other than the fact that he asks you for money.

Now I'm certainly not against a woman looking at a man's financial prospects, you need to be practical here because nobody wants to be a homeless hobo eating rats, but, it just might be possible that this is what this man is. How do you know that's his home? How do you know he travels? How do you know he's rich? And what kind of misunderstanding causes a man to lose his driver's license?

Before you send this man another dime, skype him and have a conversation where you can actually see each other. Yes, that means that he will actually see you! And no you can't put one of your pretty girlfriends in front of the screen and treat her like a ventriloquists dummy. Besides, how can you see what he looks like if you're hiding on the floor?

It's time to put on your detective hat and look up his place of work - or where he says he works. Is he actually on the payroll? What is his position? Did he ever show up for work with a loaded gun?

It's time to check out his friends. Do they seem like decent friends or are they all on the wanted lists that the police post.

It's time to check out his police record - you know he has one because he lost his license. Ask the police about them - and don't say that it's all a misunderstanding.

Google his name and see what comes up.

You may not find him at all! He could have a made up name as well as a made up face and a made up personality.

Now I understand that you might be steaming mad right now because I didn't give you hot chocolate and unicorns but remember, "Don't count your chickens if they are actually wolves."