a=c2 x I Don't Get It!

Dear Aunt Madge,

I have been home schooling my children for seven years now and I am really struggling with grade 7 math. I graduated from grade 12, twenty years ago. Why can’t I remember algebra? What can I do to get my children to do their math? Why do we have to do math?

Numerically Challanged

Dear Numerically Challenged,

Algebra was created to weed out the science nerds from the artsy fartsies. Those who can’t do math are immediately sent to the bottom of the university lists so the science people who create bombs and nuclear reactors and cloned sheep can get the first stab at going to school. No one in real life actually uses algebra. When was the last time you were handed an equation filled with numbers and letters and asked to find the cosign of the hippopotamus? No, you’re trying to figure out why you end up paying 500,000 dollars for your 150,000 dollar house and how come delivering a baby of 8 pounds only results in a 5 pound weight loss and how come Martha Stewart who is a convict gets 2 TV shows while you are feeding your kids mac and cheese.

None of it ever works out. That’s why math is useless. It’s not real life.

Honey, get someone else to teach them and take an oatmeal bath. Remember when the going gets tough, it’s best to spit it out and cook something else.