Grown Men Who Revert to Childhood, Or Why They Never Left

Dear Aunt Madge,

How can I get my husband to act like an adult whenever we visit his parent's? He always seems to forget that he's an adult now and is allowed to make his own decisions whenever we stay there for a few days. What's up?

Confused in Utah

Dear Confused

You mean you ended up with a husband who’s an adult most of the time? Count yourself lucky and stick stars on your forehead!

Now honey, I hate to tell you this, but he is making his own decision about how he behaves at his parent’s house. He probably likes being a little kid for awhile. Aren’t there days when you would like to just play all day and have someone else cook dinner and pick up after you?

So resign yourself to the fact that his Mommy will cut up his food and do his laundry while you’re visiting. In fact, call it a vacation and get your nails done. Who knows, maybe you can get in good with Mom and make suggestions about getting him to do stuff, like cleaning out the car and buying you some jewelry.

And just because everyone in the family decides to do something, it doesn’t mean you have to do it too. When they say “let’s go down and shoot rats at the junkyard” you can say “go ahead, I have a headache,” and then when they’re gone, you can go to a movie or take a bath or draw pictures on the walls and then sign his name to them. Of course if you do the latter you will get in trouble and you can blame it on him and he’ll say “I did not!” and then you can say “you believe him just because he’s your kid” and then cry like you’ve just had a fork stuck in your neck, and maybe you’ll never be invited back.

Let me know how that works for you. In the meantime, remember who’s really the boss. Hint: take a look in the mirror. But don’t tell him that. If you told him, you might as well beat egg whites with a greasy spoon.