The Great Toilet Paper Roll Debate

Dear Aunt Madge,


My husband and I have been having major fights over something that is threatening our marriage.

When he puts the toilet paper roll on the dispenser, he puts it on the wrong way!

He has it cascading over the top and it really should go under. I've explained this to him I don't know how many times, but he just doesn't listen.

Whenever I put it the right way he switches it around to the wrong way so I have to switch it back.

Why is he doing this? It drives me batty to no end. It's bad enough that I have to switch the roll around whenever I visit other people's homes but I shouldn't have to do it in my own house.

I swear he does it just to drive me crazy. And he doesn't just do it in our bathroom, he does it in every bathroom in the house.

How do I change this man?

Signed,
Tears shed in a water closet

Dear Tears,

If you want to change the man than a divorce is required and some internet dating and you're still not guaranteed that you'll find a different man.

If you want to keep this man then you can't change him and why would you want to because...

HE PUTS THE TOILET ROLL ON THE DISPENSER.

Let me repeat that.

HE PUTS THE TOILET ROLL ON THE DISPENSER.

Honey, in my house I was grateful if I could find the toilet roll somewhere in the vicinity of my arms reach including finding it under the toilet tank. Somedays it was like an Easter egg hung which is no fun with your pants down around your ankles.

Frankly I never understood the great Toilet Roll Debate. I first became aware of it back in the seventies when I started reading my mentors Dear Abby and Ann Landers. They devoted entire columns (note the "s") to this problem and readers would write in putting in their two bits of whatever they were flinging.

It does date back to the time before toilet paper when people would argue whether the Sears Catalog should be ripped starting at the front or starting at the back. The debate became more complicated because there would be those who insisted that the pages with ladies undergarments should be disposed of first while others said they should be saved until last. Of course this led to more arguments about what order the catalog should be use. Children wanted to save the toy sections, women wanted the fashion and home sections untouched and men insisted that the section with farm and auto equipment be left alone. When toilet paper came along the debate became much simpler.

I've never found a reason why there is so much debate about it. Some claim that cascading it over the top makes it too easy to take too much. I decided to do a little experiment. I spun the toilet paper both ways and found out they both made a huge mess and it was more about the spin than about which way the toilet paper was on the spindle.

Having said all this I want to remind you of something...

YOUR HUSBAND PUTS THE TOILET ROLL ON THE DISPENSER.

Make your husband his favorite dinner and put on a sexy outfit and the football game. Yes, I realize that he will have to choose between the sexy outfit and the football game, but you can always call up a friend and go out. Just make sure you don't wear the sexy outfit.

Remember, if you sweat the small stuff, you're only going to get all smelly.

Love Aunt Madge